Perfection

Body image. Two words that are bandied around a lot in magazines, on the news, on parenting blogs. And, two words, that as a mom raising two girls in this culture, give me some of my greatest parental anxiety.

Every single woman I know has been knocked down once or twice by the pain of not feeling adequate. Of wishing her thighs were thinner, her skin had fewer freckles, her hair was straighter ... oh wait, is that just me? Well, to each her own issues.

But, raising two girls in this world has me yearning for them to escape unscathed. Untouched by the pressure to be stick thin, to have shampoo-commercial-ready hair, to be exactly like everyone else. I don't want them to feel inadequate. I want them to grow up feeling strong and powerful and proud of what God and I gave them. Hey, I grew them in my belly for 9 months, I figure I get some credit.

So, since the day they were born, I have been telling each one that they are perfect just the way they are. That they are beautiful because of who they are. I have told them that it is what is in their hearts that matters and that they have beautiful hearts. I emphasize being strong, having muscles, being able to run, and eating healthy food because it will make you stronger, faster and smarter. I never say "diet" and I never talk negatively about myself because I know girls imitate and get a lot of their views from their mother. I try to not always talk about how cute they look and try to focus on what they can do. (That is a lot harder than it sounds, by the way.) I've written a couple times about these issues before here and here.

I have tried to do everything every parenting book/article/blog post says. I have tried my hardest to combat the culture of "not being good enough." And, two weeks ago, I had my heart broken.

I was on the Facebook on my computer, and Molly was looking over my shoulder. There was a girl's picture on a posting from a photographer. I didn't know this girl and neither did Molly.

"Mom, who is that?"
"I don't know, honey. A girl who got her picture taken by a photographer."
"Is she prettier than me?"
My heart stopped. Surely I'd hear her wrong. "Is she bigger than you? Is that what you said?"
"No. Is she prettier than me?"

Seriously. I think I felt my heart breaking. How could my precious little girl possibly be comparing her beauty to anyone else? How could this already be happening at 5?