Friday, July 22, 2011

My precious little petri dishes

Petri dish #1
Petri dish #2

When you are pregnant or a new mom, everyone loves to give you advice or warnings about having children. There are few things in life more annoying than these so-called "helpful hints."

Well, actually, it was also incredibly obnoxious hearing, "Wow, your belly button has popped, you must be done!" Like I was a freakin' turkey ready to pulled out of the oven. In fact, my belly button popped out at like six months, thankyouverymuch, I still had a long time left to cook.

Yes, my belly button had popped out and I still had over 2 months to go.
Anyway, my least favorite helpful hint was "enjoy your sleep now, because you won't get any for 18 more years!" Really?!? I was huge, uncomfortable and getting up to pee every hour during the night as it was. And, there was no going back. The kid was coming, so why would you purposefully make the parents-to-be dread their baby's arrival? It's just cruel, that's what it is.

But, of all the things people warned me about, under the guise of being "helpful," it seemed no one warned me that I wouldn't actually be bringing babies home with me. In reality, I would be bringing little tiny petri dishes into my home. And, that these adorable, precious, cherub-faced germ magnets would not only get sick and puke all over me, but they would share those nasty, evil viruses with me. And, I would get sick. A lot. I must've unknowingly signed away my immune system when I signed each child's birth certificate. I was pretty out of it, so it's entirely possible that I made that kind of deal. I'm thinking I had a pretty bad lawyer, though, so I would really like to renegotiate the terms of this agreement.

In all the time I was working before I had kids, I probably took one sick day. Fast forward to present day, and I can't even count how often I've had stomach-turning, gut-wrenching, fever-inducing viruses. Granted, I'm feeling particularly peeved today as I'm only two days removed from one of these said viruses.

And, one of the worst parts of all of this? I always seem to get it the worst of anyone in the family. Definitely much worse than Cory. He will sometimes get what's going around the house, but it will always be about 10-20 percent of what I had. I throw up for 12 hours and am completely out of it for two days? Cory will throw up once and feel kind of icky for six hours. So annoying! Not that I want him to feel as bad as I do, but I'm fairly certain at some point he has to think I'm making it up. If he can get over it in six hours, then surely I'm just milking it, right?

Luckily, I do have a dad who is a doctor. And, I have no shame in calling and begging for drugs to make me stop puking. He has always called these illnesses stomach bugs. Never thought twice about that, until Molly started saying, when she was sick, that she had a bug in her tummy. Now, even knowing what that would entail in the future, you gotta admit, that phrase is pretty darn cute.
How could this adorable bug make anyone feel bad?

And, then, after hearing me describe a run in which I actually swallowed a bug, Molly became convinced that was how you got sick. You swallow a bug on your run, the bug gets in your tummy, and you have a stomach bug that will make you throw up and feel icky. Perfectly logical for a preschooler, really. I only hope this doesn't lessen her desire to go running with her mom.

The thing is, my girls aren't even in day care, which I've heard makes the germ sharing even worse. I try to make us all wash our hands before we eat and use Purell when we are out in public. But, I also try to be reasonable and not anti-bacterialize us to the point that my kids have no exposure to germs. Because then they would have no immune system whatsoever. Or so I've been told by numerous varying studies and news reports. Or wait, was it the other way around?  Aack! Another parental debate that I'm sure will never have a definitive answer. 

So, the next time you see a pregnant lady or new mom and feel the irresistible need to give them a "helpful hint," just tell them to stock up on ginger ale and saltines, keep their doctors on speed dial, oh, and always, always run with their mouths closed. After all, you don't want them to swallow any bugs.

1 comment:

  1. I'm sorry you were so sick!! Chris called Penelope a biological weapon of mass destruction her first year. If we could only bottle up infant germs, we'd have everyone scared! Interestingly, it was only that first year where we all felt like we were going to die about every three months. (Knock on wood!)